I’ve been going to gay volleyball on Tuesday nights. Does that pairing seem odd to you? A sport… a SPORT… requiring quick feet, coordinated hand-eye movement, athletic prowess, and skilled ball handling – that paired together with a large cross-section of gay guys. It seems an unlikely, and frankly, ill-advised coupling. But it’s been some of the most fun I’ve had in a long while. Every time I show up I have a great time.

I tend to play at the third-tier net, the overflow net. The first two nets are set up immediately, at the appointed hour, and all the regulars show up to play there. These are the serious players. As time passes, however, late comers arrive -- those irregulars who have neither the advantage of regular practice, nor, clearly, the desired level of commitment. As more of those types show up, a third net is set up. I play with them.

Oh, sure, occasionally a skilled player will fail to get a spot in the first two nets and wander over, but easily a majority of the players are mediocre at best. We’d pray for mediocre most of the time. No, typically, we get the swatters, flailing their arms about through the thin air of poorly timed effort, apologizing almost reflexively, as if a habit of genuflection borne from years of embarrassing gym class performance and childhood ridicule. They apologize to the group, mutter phrases of chastisement to themselves and look nervously around for signs that others may be loosing patience. And honestly, sometimes there is some of that, but never hostility. Sometimes someone will plead with the opposing team, “Can we interest you in a 7th player?” Or someone will ask, “Are you familiar with what the ball looks like?” “You know, you ARE encouraged to move in this game.” “Does your elbow bend?” etc. hahah Gay guys are funny. Of course that’s a generalization, but so often there will be a couple of guys in the game that just keep making the most hysterical jokes.

And watching these guys can be so funny. Imagine the guy in gym class who had the most girly throw, recall the most outrageous queeny voice, or the swing of hips as some guy runs for the ball, the frantic dash for the inbound serve and a girly swing of the arm in a hopeless effort that never had the conviction or expectation of success. These guys don’t expect to succeed and are astonished when it happens. Picture the guy who prays that the ball doesn’t come his way—that’s ever guy on my team. Well, perhaps an exaggeration, but still, you get the point. Playing with these guys is nothing but a constant stream of ‘Oh shit’s and ‘Sorry’s. Oh shit, the balls coming my way, followed by sudden movement meant more to convey the appearance of effort than to achieve real success, and then the closing “Sorry.” If it was a repeat offense, he may get a razing by the others, but otherwise maybe a “That’s ok” or “Good effort.” I love these guys.

Sometimes guys are not so timid or apologetic. Some joke about their ineptitude. Throughout one game a guy who was having lots of trouble kept shouting to the opposing team, “Brian’s moving to the back court” or “Brian’s rotating to the front,” I guess just to make clear where the weak link was. One guy kept explaining that he couldn’t get the ball in time due to the weight of his enormous cock. Heheh

The worst player is John. By all indication, John should be a decent player. He’s fit, trim, perhaps in his late 20s, dark skin, maybe of Indian decent. He’s very happy, cheery. But he has no, truly NO, athletic ability. John never wants the ball to come his way, yet he plays faithfully every week (and poorly, I might add). John IS the weakest link. He tries, but not really. He feels guilt for his ineptitude on the court, yet he’s undeterred, unmoved by it all. Well, he’s moved, dislikes his performance, but is hopeless about getting better, and honestly, not too concerned, which I like. He mutters “Oh shit” when the ball comes his way, and laughs when he misses, and he WILL miss. But he’s the sweetest guy there is. I’m always happy he shows up to play.

One time a few weeks ago there was a vendor pushing a new soft drink. They had cute young teenage girls handing out free drinks to people in the park. When they came to the volleyball nets, all of these guys swarmed around to get their free drink. They were playfully joking with the girls, tittering like young girls themselves. The girls liked it, liked the guys and their silliness. At one point a guy asked one of the girls, “Do you have a brother?” hahah The girl laughed, delighted by it all. I liked it too.