Now that I'm able to work on my laptop within coffee shops, I've decided that they are not exactly optimal for . . . well, work or thought. I can't think here. The idiotic chatter beside me, inane Christmas songs piping through the sound system which the Saint-Saens playing on my CD player is unable to drown out, the visual distractions of people coming and going… how is one to get ANYTHING done! I DID get my wireless connection working, so I CAN surf for porn, which is mindless enough for the coffee shop.

What should you do with a laptop when you want to go to the bathroom? I've often been asked to watch laptop while owners have gone to the bathroom, but that itself strikes me as perhaps more risky than just leaving it unattended. Why should the person sitting in the seat beside you be any more reliable than anyone else in the shop? And besides, you're essentially telling the person that you will be gone for several minutes, defenseless against opportunistic thieves.

This week the refrigerator at work has been especially full. Yesterday I got fed up and started tossing things into the garbage to make room for my (more important) food stuffs. It's mid-December and I found full half-gallon cartons of juice with expiration dates of May 6th! It's a cesspool of germs and bacteria! If it weren't my last week there, I'd be inclined to clean shop, so to speak, but as it is, they're on their own.

[Break of a few days. It's now Sunday, and I'm at the beginning of a two-week vacation. Change of venue: Spot Cafe.]

It's even louder at Spot. Good lord, the volumes in this place are going to make us all sign language users. I remember growing up with my step father, and the unreasonable level of the sound volume on the TV, which he kept at unreasonable levels at all times (and of course the TV was on at all times). It made me furious. Was he totally deaf? It was the beginning of my belief that the decibel levels in the U.S. are on the rise everywhere. I secretly believe this is strongly correlated to lowering intelligence, though it's probably just my personal antipathy for loud sounds. But go to the movie theater and tell me the sound is not too loud. At bars, coffee shops, music halls. In households everywhere the sound is too loud. In cars too. When you buy a stereo system, the sales person boasts of power, wattage. There's been a ratcheting up of sound over the last 20 years. Americans are lazy, loud, and crude. Everything has to be in their face (and ears). They want a direct, unmitigated sensory onslaught. They believe that's a virtue.

The other thing I dislike about Spot is their new coffee cup top design—the Traveler Plus top. Can anyone tell me how to use this stupid thing? It has knobs, slots, indentations, lips and protrusions, yet there doesn't seem to be a hole from which to actually sip the coffee. You can press things down, apparently to open slots, but you'd need a box cutter to actually open it. Well, the top is patented (it says in big capital letters "PATENTED CAUTION CONTENTS HOT"), so apparently the U.S. Patent Office understands the design. God bless them.

I had serious topics to discuss—my poor social skills, my standing in the gay community, the crappy time I had out last night, the way free time gets sucked up into other activities, the way I never seem to actually buckle down into any serious effort, blah blah blah, but I haven't the time right now (or the inclination) to discuss those now. I'm off to see Lord of the Rings.

Tonight I’m taking my new laptop on its maiden voyage to Spin Café. Truth be told, although there are legitimate reasons that justify the $1100 I spent—reasons that will remain unenumerated to protect the aura of their legitimacy—this is the real motivator…the ability to sit in a café while being productive at the keyboard. Nearly all of my goals center around activities at the computer — that and reading and studying in quiet. (I have no agenda to grind upon tonight, just the ramblings of someone giddy with There are three of us here with laptops. Mine is biggest—biggest and best. This is one of those rare moments when I can boast of size. I am not cutest, however. There’s a guy to my left in a plain blue ball cap and tight gray t-shirt who’s stunningly handsome. His laptop is too. Some idiot at the bar against the window has a headset on and is speaking to someone in the most outrageously loud cell phone voice about astronomy and various fundamental principles of astrophysics. He clearly knows what he’s talking about, but must we all be educated?

So what ARE my goals?

• I must quickly learn as much as I can about MySQL, ASP.net, and the Apache web server. The reasons are not important, but there ARE reasons. (My god, the action on this keyboard is lovely.)


• I really want/need to learn Linux well enough to be competent. It begins with me installing some version of Redhat on my spare computer, but that requires time sitting at my desk actually working, and by that I mean not chatting or surfing for porn.


• I want to study certain areas of NY law to be comfortable with the possibility of actually practicing in those areas. It seems almost insurmountable, yet I can imagine that were I to actually handle a few simple matters, my confidence and enthusiasm would grow dramatically. I just need to learn some things, and then DO a few things. I might even be a lawyer some day. The thing that appeals to me more than anything about this scenario is the fact that the law is complex, and not everyone can do it. The jobs that I’m being paid for now… I’m always thinking that they’re beneath me, that any moron can do them, and that there’s nothing for me to dig my teeth into, nothing to challenge me. The law would, at least for a while.


• I still want to learn French, though lately I’m thinking of brushing up on German, since I’m more likely to go to Germany than to France in the near future. Well, I want to learn both.


• I need to learn Oracle 10g. God, new versions keep coming. It’s hard to keep up. I also want to learn more about Oracle applications. My job now is documenting Oracle financial applications for Xerox. I’m documenting them but I haven’t any understanding of the larger picture. It’s all just buttons and LOVs so far. Really learning Oracle financial applications could quite useful.


• I want to buy a house.

I need a hair cut. I need to remember to bring a music CD with me when I take my laptop anywhere, a CD and headphones. I decided months ago that I was “supporting” Dick Gephart for the Democratic presidential nomination. I didn’t think he had a chance, though. But lately it seems he might. We’ll see. For nearly two weeks my gym has been playing classical music in the men’s locker room. Oddly, it’s raised few comments. Thursday evening seems to be gay night at Spin. It used to be at Spot. It may be mere coincidence that so many gays have shown up the last two Thursdays. I like gay men… except for that really loud flaming guy in the corner whose voice has overtaken the entire café. I don’t like him. There’s a cute gay boy at the far table who’s poking at a laptop—a new entry. We are now four. I’m ranked 3rd in the cuteness ratings now. He’s sitting with a girl who seems to be knitting a feather boa. The loud gay just made a joke about my laptop. “Question: Where did you get that tan? Answer: The glow from my laptop.”