I have such enormous amounts of free time at work. It's an odd tale of corporate waste, fiefdom building, and flying under the radar, none of which I'll get into now. I try to use the time for my own enrichment, furthering personal goals and bettering myself, etc., having long ago abandoning the ideal of doing company work on company time--there IS no work, do you understand that! But such undirected, goal-less efforts are not sustainable, I've decided. There has to be a well-defined goal. So I read online news, read and write personal email, space out, walk to the restroom countless times a day, and just generally waste time. I DO have things I could do of a personal nature, like write in this blog, or work on my web page, or something else fun like that, but it seems just beyond the pale.. too much even for my highly compromised work ethic. But today I'm writing in my blog... at work. I won't post it at work, but I'm writing text which I'll post when I get home. There it is.

My life has become so removed from the world of work. I don't think about work; I don't care about work. I'm certain this will all change when there's no more work to go to every day. But for now, I don't think about work. I stand in the common lunch room, or the "learning center" as it's officially called, and I warm up my mid-day meal as I look through the sheet metal lattice work shielding the room from the hallway outside. I watch as people enter and leave the building, each presumably pursuing their day's activities with more purpose than me. And I return to my desk to eat, putting my headphones on to listen to Bartok piano music while I cast about for something to pass the next half hour.

Lately I've been amusing myself with personal ads. Well, plus email. I put an anonymous profile up on a site devoted to helping horny gay men find each other for quick, tawdry (or not so tawdry) sex. It was an idea given to me by a friend I've been corresponding with. He put up such a profile for amusement, to see what sorts of responses he'd get. So it seemed like a fun thing to do. And it has been. My headless, naked torso provocatively placed to ... well, provoke. I've gotten many inquiries. The vast majority are discarded out of hand, or out of email "in" box. It's amusing, but mostly it, together with the long stretches of unfilled time, have merely served to heighten my longing for male companionship. I want a boyfriend, I suppose, but I'd be happy enough for now with a good male friend with some physical contact. So nothing too interesting here. A horny gay guy. But what troubles me, as it often does, is how much time I waste pursuing it in some way. If I had real work to do, it wouldn't figure so prominently, and I wouldn't spend ... waste, the time. There are so many things I'd like to do, should be doing. Why am I wasting time reading lame email from middle-aged horny men? The answer is obvious... I'm a middle-aged, horny man. heheh