These weeks in late January in Rochester are grim. I don't want to do anything in the evenings. Tonight, however, I forced myself to go to a concert at the Eastman Theater. An Eastman School of Music orchestra was playing an all-Russian bill. The night was soooo cold, blustery and harsh that it seemed appropriate... the harsh Russian winters. The orchestra played a violin concerto of Prokofiev. I ought to know it, but none of it sounded familiar to me. The orchestra and soloist made a good effort of it, but I was not focused. It was a chamber piece really, small orchestra, small sound, neo-classical Prokofiev, with his typically ethereal slow movement and a whirling finale. But it seemed all so sleek and restrained, more a museum piece than anything, though of course it was just my mood. The second half of the program was the Tchaikovsky Symphony No. 4. I know this piece very well. I memorized every note of it when I was a teenager. It's an inventive and utterly beautiful piece, and altogether Russian. Such a pleasure to hear it tonight. God it was lovely. The orchestra performed very well, especially the woodwinds. The bassoonist was perfect. I saw an acquaintance at intermission. He was on his way home, too tired to endure the Tchaikovsky. He assured me it would be nothing if not loud. hehehe It's not cool to like Tchaikovsky, but I love his music, especially that symphony. It was nice going alone, actually. I sat up in the mezzanine, my favorite spot, no one within several rows of me. It was warm. I brought a little something to read between pieces. I popped in before the opening piece, and popped out after the last curtain call, no crowds, no fee! So easy. Ann had thought about going but decided against it. I've always enjoyed going to concerts alone, just as I still enjoy going to the movies alone. The crowd was small. It was a very young crowd, Eastman students I suppose. It always seems a little odd to go to such a concert and be surrounded by kids. It's good, though, very good to see kids devoted to music.

I'm feeling unfocused and inadequate lately. As I was taking in the crowd, watching and listening to all of the students, what struck me was how clear and vibrant their lives seem, and how muddled it all seems to becomes as one ages.