(Aside: The Prokofiev piano sonatas are wonderful, contrary to what I was led to believe. Not immediately accessible, but worth a little work.)

Tonight ... things that happened at the gym.

Lately I've been getting out of work early (I have nothing to do there, afterall) and consequently I've been arriving at the gym earlier than usual. You see different faces.... and bodies. Upon checking in, gathering my key, and pushing open the locker room door, I saw before me a tall lanky kid, probably 20 to 25, in a towel. Gulp. Just my type! He removed his towel (happily) and I had one of those Jim Carrey in "The Mask" moments. You remember one scene in that movie in which the goofy guy lusts over a woman and his tongue literally drops to the floor and rolls out like a Persian rug? That was me catching a glimpse of this guy. Man. I want some of that. Well, I collect myself, do not gawk and stare, and have a good workout (just shoulders). As I'm mounting the Stair Master to begin my cardio workout, I listen casually to the two guys in front of me who are doing some leg extensions. They're regulars at the gym, classic jock types, very muscular, great bodies, etc. (though not my type at all). They're nice enough guys. I've spoken to the one (Joey) many times. I'm not listening too carefully, as I'm also reading and watching tv at the same time. But then I hear the phrase "There are a lot of 'em in here. Here come two right now" and he nods in the direction of two gay boys walking down the ramp onto the cardio floor. Now I know the two guys he was nodding to are gay, and I'm immediately certain what he's talking about. Who knows what he was saying about 'em (gays, that is) -- perhaps it was nothing, nothing at all. Hell, I would say something like that to a friend too -- 'here come a couple right now." But when he said it, it seemed a little sinister. Those two boys are very nice guys, a bit queeny and not for me really, but they wouldn't hurt a fly. They didn't deserve the disdain that Joey was directing at them, and I'm certain Joey wouldn't be cruel or mean in any way to them, but it's a reminder. That's still there. I rarely sense it anymore, but it's there. And suddenly my lust for the boy in the locker room made me feel vulnerable to it. I was harkening back to high school. Yikes. The difference is that now I'm much stronger than I was then. Much stronger. I can't handle Joey now. I lusted over lanky boys in high school, and 20 years later I'm still lusting over lanky boys. And I imagine (and hope haha) I'll always lust over lanky boys.

As I was leaving I ran into my friend Rob. We chatted for a few moments, and then he asked me if I found it depressing returning to Rochester after the vacation we had shared in Ft. Lauderdale just a few weeks ago. I said, well, really I didn't mind returning to cold weather or the usual things one mind find difficult to return to. What I didn't like about returning was the dearth here of lanky young boys to feast my eyes and hands upon. hahaha